How being The Fool and forgiving your pain leads to growth

I was convinced for 35 years I would never get a tattoo.

Maybe it was a story I was telling myself: I’m not the sort of person who gets a tattoo.

By the time I was 36, I had one. A large one. A variation of The Fool from tarot’s Major Arcana spanning the length of my left forearm.

The significant shift in mindset – and subsequent inking – occurred as a result of a particular psychology lecture I was listening to from Prof Jordan Peterson.

In it, he was describing the work of the founder of psychoanalytics, Carl Jung, and paraphrased an interpretation of the recurring character archetype of The Fool in stories: “The Fool is the precursor to The Saviour”.

It was a single line that summarised an incredibly deep concept that shifted my entire perception of my past.

‘The Fool is the precursor to The Saviour’

Metaphorically, and within story narratives, it helps us understand that the Luke Skywalker that saved the day at the end of Return of the Jedi could not have existed without the vulnerable, aimless, whining farmboy at the start of A New Hope.

It helps us understand that it was necessary for the stoic, heroic Simba that defeated Scar and saved his father’s kingdom in The Lion King to first have begun as the vulnerable, error-riddled, ignorant cub, who ran away from his responsibilities – he had to run away and make mistakes to learn how to face his fears.

In sport, it means the professional footballer could not hoist the trophy, had they not first been uncoordinated and oblivious as to how to actually play the game.

What that means for you and me, is that we would not be who we are now – and, more importantly, cannot become the absolute best of us – without the stumbling, cringe-invoking, anxiety-provoking errors we made along the way.

“The Fool is the precursor to The Saviour” means we cannot be everything we can be, without first understanding we will – and must be willing to – fail, stumble, and fall along the way.

I got my tattoo as a commitment to always being willing to try, despite the risk of failure. As a promise to myself to always be willing to start the journey.

And as a reminder to be kind and forgive myself for the mistakes I have made, and will continue to make, along the way.

Finding balance through forgiveness

Perhaps all that is a little too philosophical for you, in which case, allow me to share a psychological, scientific rationale for reframing your negative experiences to include balance.

You haven’t been balanced in your interpretation or assessment of your experiences.

George Loewenstein, psychology professor at Carnegie Mellon University, coined the term “hot-cold empathy gaps” to help us understand why our actions can commonly misalign with our own expectations.

That is: why do we sometimes do things that not even we would expect ourselves to do?

This phenomena was explored with Prof Loewenstein and others in the episode “In the Heat of the Moment: How Intense Emotions Transform Us” of NPR podcast Hidden Brain.

Prof Lowenstein explained that his research had revealed that, when a person is in a ‘cold’ state – that is, not experiencing significant emotional or physical stimuli – it is almost impossible for them to perceive the precise mindset, thoughts, feelings, and responses they would display when in a ‘hot’ state (and vice versa).

The implications of that are profound.

Firstly, it means the expectations you have of yourself in an unstimulated state are almost certain to misalign with your actions when you’re emotional.

We’ve all been there, whether we’ve done something stupid under the influence of alcohol that goes against everything we stand for, or we’re in a heated argument with our partner/friend and say something that horrifies even ourselves.

But it also means that, when you’re sitting there in your ‘cold’ state and not in the heat of the moment, and you’re ruminating on your biggest mistake, your biggest heartbreak, or the moments you perceive as having really messed up your life, you’re doing so through a ‘cold’ lens.

You’re placing logical, non-emotive expectations on an extremely unpredictable and emotional event.

You’re holding up an apple to an orange, and judging harshly the fact that they’re not the same.

Your Fool-ish moments make you great

The events that occurred to you in the heat of the moment cannot be judged or assessed objectively by you in the cold light of day.

For all intents and purposes, you’re two different people.

And you must accept that the way you have interpreted and felt about them up to this point might have been (likely has been) exaggerated and excessive.

You will undoubtedly have moments in your past in which something either happened to you, or you did something, that you deeply – DEEPLY – regret.

You might have been holding onto it for years, as it ate away at you. You’ve possibly ruminated on it as you wished you could go back and change it.

That is natural.

It’s a moment of pain, and we’re designed to avoid pain – not only do we have pain receptors that tell us when we’re physically IN pain, but we even have emotional responses – anxiety – that fire at the POTENTIAL of pain.

However, ruminating, wishing for change, and holding onto regrets also dismisses the fact that you cannot be your very best, without first going through your very worst.

Those moments in time made you everything you are and contributed to everything you can be.

I’m not implying any tragedy that occurred to you was not tragic.

But, sometimes, it’s important to recognise when you’re holding onto a past that is preventing you from moving forward.

That is why one of the critical pre-work exercises of your Story of My Life Journal is designed to support you in letting go of and moving on from difficult experiences in your past.

A good place to start in moving forward is forgiveness.

By accepting the parts of you that are The Fool, you can begin your journey to The Saviour.