How to have a mental health conversation

We recently marked World Mental Health Day, helping to raise awareness for a vital aspect of our well-being, yet one that is often neglected or misunderstood, making it critical to know how to have a mental health conversation.

According to the World Health Organisation, one in four people in the world will be affected by a mental or neurological disorder at some point in their lives.

In Australia, almost half of the population aged 16-85 will experience a mental health condition in their lifetime.

Mental health issues can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, culture, or background.

They can have a significant impact on our personal and professional lives, as well as our relationships and communities.

That’s why it is important to raise awareness, promote understanding, and provide support for mental health in our society.

One of the most effective ways to do that is to have a mental health conversation.

Having a mental health conversation can help us to express our feelings, cope with stress, seek help, and support others.

However, a mental health conversation can also be challenging, especially if we don’t know how to start, what to say, or how to respond.

So, we thought we would share some tips and examples on how to have that mental health conversation with different people and situations, such as friends, family, someone you’re worried about, or yourself.

Just something for clarity, because you might wonder why we’ve worded some of the tips so bluntly, such as being clear and defining what we mean by terms that might seem obvious, and that’s because we simply want to avoid ambiguity and be as clear as possible.

NB: Story of My Life Journal is not a certified mental health organisation, and we strongly encourage anyone who requires – or thinks they might require – professional support to seek appropriate advice.

How to have a mental health conversation with Friends

Friends are often the first people we turn to when we need someone to talk to and doing so can also strengthen our friendship and trust.

However, having a mental health conversation with friends can also be difficult.

We may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid of being judged or rejected. We may also worry about hurting or upsetting our friends, or not knowing how to help them.

Here are some tips on how to start, maintain, and end a conversation on mental health with a friend:

• Choose a suitable time and place: Pick a time when you and your friend are both free and relaxed. Avoid busy or noisy places that may distract or interrupt your conversation. You can also ask your friend if they are comfortable talking about mental health before you start.
• Use open-ended questions: Open-ended questions are questions that require more than a yes or no answer. They can help you to show interest and curiosity, and encourage your friend to share more. For example, instead of asking “Are you ok?”, which requires a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response, you can ask “How are you feeling today?”, “What’s been on your mind lately?”, or “How do you cope with stress?”.
• Listen actively and empathetically: Active listening means paying attention to what your friend is saying and showing that you understand and care. You can do this by nodding, making eye contact, paraphrasing, or reflecting back what your friend said. Empathetic listening means putting yourself in your friend’s shoes and trying to feel what they feel. You can do this by expressing empathy, compassion, or validation. For example, you can say “I’m sorry you’re going through this”, “That must be really hard”, or “I can see why you feel that way”.
• Avoid judgment and advice: Judgment means making negative or critical comments about your friend’s feelings, thoughts, or actions. Advice means telling your friend what they should or shouldn’t do. Both judgment and advice can make your friend feel misunderstood, defensive, or resentful. It’s a way of invalidating their feelings, but also disempowering them by suggesting you know how to fix the challenges in their life better than they do. Instead of judging or advising your friend, try to be supportive and respectful of their choices and preferences. For example, you can say “I’m here for you”, “You’re not alone”, or “You’re doing great”.
• Express support and encouragement: Support means offering your help or assistance in any way that your friend needs or wants. Encouragement means motivating your friend to keep going or try something new that may benefit them. Both support and encouragement can help your friend feel hopeful, confident, and empowered. For example, you can say “How can I help?”, “What do you need from me?”, or “You’ve got this”.
• Respect boundaries and privacy: Boundaries mean the limits or rules that your friend sets for themselves or for the conversation. Privacy means the right of your friend to decide what they want to share or not share with you or others. Both boundaries and privacy are important for maintaining trust and safety in the conversation. You should respect your friend’s boundaries and privacy by asking for permission before sharing or asking personal questions, accepting their no without arguing or pushing, and keeping their information confidential unless they give you consent.

Here are some examples of what to say and what not to say when talking to a friend about mental health:

How to have a mental health conversation with family

Family can be a source of love, support, and comfort for us.

They can also be a source of stress, conflict, and pressure.

Having a mental health conversation with family can help us to improve our communication, understanding, and relationship with them. However, talking to family about mental health can also be challenging.

We may face different expectations, opinions, or values from our family members. We may also encounter generational, cultural, or religious barriers that make it hard to talk about mental health.

Here are some tips on how to start, maintain, and end a conversation on mental health with a family member:

• Be respectful and compassionate: Respect means acknowledging and accepting your family member’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences without dismissing or invalidating them. Compassion means showing kindness and care for your family member’s well-being and suffering. You can show respect and compassion by using polite and gentle words, tone, and body language. For example, you can say “I respect your point of view”, “I appreciate your honesty”, or “I care about you”.
• Use “I” statements: “I” statements are statements that start with “I” and express your own feelings, thoughts, or needs. They can help you to avoid blaming or criticizing your family member, which can lead to defensiveness or anger. They can also help you to take responsibility for your own mental health and ask for what you want. For example, you can say “I feel sad when you say that”, “I think we need to talk more”, or “I need some space right now”.
• Be prepared for different reactions: Different family members may react differently to your conversation on mental health. Some may be supportive and understanding, while others may be dismissive or hostile. Some may be curious and interested, while others may be indifferent or bored. Some may be helpful and cooperative, while others may be intrusive or controlling. You should be prepared for any possible reaction and try not to take it personally. You should also respect your family member’s right to have their own feelings and opinions, even if they are different from yours.
• Offer practical support: Practical support means providing your family member with concrete or tangible help that can make their life easier or better. This can include helping them with chores, errands, or tasks; accompanying them to appointments or activities; giving them resources or referrals; or buying them gifts or treats. Practical support can show your family member that you care about them and want to help them. It can also reduce their stress and improve their mood.
• End on a positive note: Ending the conversation on a positive note means leaving your family member with a good impression and feeling. This can include thanking them for their time and attention; complimenting them on their strengths or achievements; expressing your love or appreciation; or making plans for the future. Ending on a positive note can help your family member feel valued and hopeful.

Here are some examples of what to say and what not to say when talking to a family member about mental health:

How to have a mental health conversation with Someone You’re Worried About

Sometimes, we may notice that someone we know or care about is showing signs of mental health issues, such as changes in their mood, behaviour, appearance, or performance.

We may feel worried about their wellbeing and want to help them.

Having a mental health conversation with someone we’re worried about can help us to express our concern and care, check on their situation, and offer our support.

However, talking to someone we’re worried about can also be tough, because we may not know how to approach them, what to say, or how to help them. We may also fear that we may make things worse, offend them, or lose their trust.

Here are some tips on how to start, maintain, and end a mental health conversation with someone we’re concerned about:

• Express your concern and care: Concern means showing that you are aware of and interested in their well-being and situation. Care means showing that you value and appreciate them as a person. You can express your concern and care by saying something like “I’m worried about you”, “I’ve noticed that you seem…”, or “I care about you”.
• Ask open-ended questions: Open-ended questions are questions that require more than a yes or no answer. They can help you to show interest and curiosity, and encourage the person to share more. For example, you can ask “How are you feeling today?”, “What’s been going on with you lately?”, or “How do you cope with stress?”.
• Listen attentively and respectfully: Attentive listening means paying attention to what the person is saying and showing that you understand and care. You can do this by nodding, making eye contact, paraphrasing, or reflecting back what the person said. Respectful listening means acknowledging and accepting the person’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences without dismissing or invalidating them. You can do this by expressing empathy, compassion, or validation. For example, you can say “I’m sorry you’re going through this”, “That must be really hard”, or “I can see why you feel that way”.
• Avoid assumptions or diagnoses: Assumptions are beliefs or opinions that we have about the person’s feelings, thoughts, or situation without knowing the facts or evidence. Diagnoses are labels or names that we give to the person’s mental health condition without being qualified or authorized to do so. Both assumptions and diagnoses can make the person feel misunderstood, offended, or stigmatized. Instead of making assumptions or diagnoses, try to be curious and open-minded about the person’s perspective and experience. For example, you can say “Tell me more about that”, “What does that mean to you?”, or “How do you see it?”.
• Encourage seeking professional help if needed: Professional help means getting assistance or treatment from a qualified and licensed mental health professional, such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor, or therapist. Professional help can provide the person with expert advice, guidance, and support that can improve their mental health and well-being. You can encourage seeking professional help if needed by saying something like “Have you thought about getting some help?”, “How do you feel about seeing a professional?”, or “I think it would be good for you to talk to someone who can help you”.
• End on a supportive note: Ending on a supportive note means leaving the person with a good impression and feeling. This can include thanking them for their time and trust; expressing your support and availability; reminding them of their strengths and resources; or making plans for follow-up or check-in. Ending on a supportive note can help the person feel valued and hopeful.

Here are some examples of what to say and what not to say when having a mental health conversation with someone you’re worried about:

How to Talk to About our own Mental Health

Sometimes, we may forget that the most important person we need to talk to about our mental health is ourselves.

We may neglect our own feelings, thoughts, and needs, or be too harsh or critical of ourselves.

Reflecting on our own mental health can help us to improve our self-awareness, self-care, and self-compassion.

However, sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. We may also face negative thoughts and beliefs that make it hard to accept or love ourselves.

Here are some tips on how to start, maintain, and end a self-reflection on mental health:

• Be honest and kind with yourself: Honest means being truthful and realistic about your own feelings, thoughts, and situation. Kind means being gentle and forgiving with yourself. You can be honest and kind with yourself by saying something like “I’m feeling…”, “I’m thinking…”, or “I’m going through…”.
• Use positive self-talk and affirmations: Positive self-talk means using words or phrases that are uplifting, encouraging, or empowering for yourself. Affirmations are statements that are positive, present, and personal for yourself. They can help you to boost your mood, confidence, and motivation. For example, you can say “I’m doing my best”, “I deserve happiness”, or “I am enough”.
• Challenge negative thoughts and beliefs: Negative thoughts are thoughts that are pessimistic, irrational, or distorted about yourself or your situation. Beliefs are ideas or opinions that you have about yourself or your situation that are often based on your past experiences or influences. They can affect your mental health negatively by making you feel sad, angry, or anxious. You can challenge negative thoughts and beliefs by saying something like “Is this true?”, “What’s the evidence?”, or “What’s another way of looking at this?”.
• Acknowledge your feelings and needs: Feelings are the emotions that you experience in response to your thoughts or situation. Needs are the things that you require or desire for your well-being or happiness. Acknowledging your feelings and needs means recognizing and accepting them without judging or suppressing them. You can acknowledge your feelings and needs by saying something like “I feel…”, “I need…”, or “I want…”.
• End on a grateful note: Ending on a grateful note means leaving yourself with a good impression and feeling. This can include thanking yourself for your time and effort; expressing your gratitude for your strengths or achievements; reminding yourself of your values or goals; or making plans for self-care or improvement. Ending on a grateful note can help you feel valued and hopeful.

Here are some examples of what to say and what not to say when having a mental health conversation or reflection with yourself:

Having a mental health conversation is one of the best ways to improve our own and others’ wellbeing. It can help us to express our feelings, cope with stress, seek help, and support others.

It can be challenging, yes, but not as challenging as not talking.

If you want to learn more about mental health or get some support, here are some resources or links that you can check out:

• [Beyond Blue]: A national organisation that provides information and support on mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, suicide prevention, etc.
• [Headspace]: A national youth mental health foundation that offers online and phone counselling, as well as face-to-face services for young people aged 12-25 and their families and friends.
• [Lifeline]: A national charity that provides 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention services through phone, text, or online chat.
• [MindSpot]: A free online service that provides assessment and treatment courses for adults with anxiety, depression, or stress.
• [SANE Australia]: A national mental health charity that supports people affected by complex mental health issues, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, personality disorders, etc.