How harnessing your stories can change your life

As humans, we’re hardwired to receive stories. We crave information at a fundamental level.

Much like hunger or thirst, it keeps us going.

And that’s not hyperbole.

As we’ve evolved, this transfer of information – the stories we tell each other – have been used to foster social cooperation and inclusion (source: Smith et al, 2016).

They teach us the social norms that help us fit in with the groups around us.

We learn from them. It’s built into us as social creatures.

So, what are stories?

Interestingly, absorbing information from stories isn’t straightforward.

When we encounter something new, our brains translate the information through our own individual lens (source: Beasley, 2020).

We make it make sense by transferring the information into a context we understand. And if it doesn’t make sense in one context, we abstract it further until it does.

This goes for both the sender and receiver of the information.

We find a common ground that allows both parties to understand it; not so we just regurgitate the information, but so it actually makes sense within our worldview.

And that’s exactly what stories are: the meeting place – the common ground – where information makes sense.

We use stories to create the world around us

Whether we realise it or not, we’ve all got a system of values we adhere to that govern how we live, think, and feel.

These values have a two-way relationship with your subconscious stories: they are implicit representations of your stories, and they reinforce your stories.

Your stories, and their off-shooting values, are what you use to shape how you perceive the world, your place in it, and that inform you on how to interact with that world.

Now, your brain is so sophisticated that there are so many things we don’t understand even now … think ‘consciousness’, for one. We have absolutely no idea at what point of joining atoms together that consciousness suddenly emerges.

So, when it comes to encountering new information, your brain operates at a level of sophistication that is impressive.

The world in which you operate is so complex, filled with so much information interpreted through your lens of values, defined by your assortment of stories, that it has created a triage system to manage it all.

Every piece of information that goes into our heads is sorted, classified, and catalogued as either a tool, obstacle, or an irrelevant piece of information (source: Peterson, 2013).

If we work backwards, we can say that the sorting is done in accordance with your values, which are determined by your stories. But working forwards can help you understand the implications of that sorting, because your stories determine your values, which create your goals based on your values hierarchy, which drives your behaviours.

So, if a piece of information or an object aligns with your goals, which are determined by your values, which are created by your stories, then it’s deemed useful and it’s a tool, and you will behave towards it as such.

If it gets in the way of your goals, it’s a challenge, and it’s classified as an obstacle to overcome, and you will experience a negative emotional and physical reaction towards it.

And if it has no particular relevance either way to what you’re trying to achieve, then it’s – yep, you guessed it – irrelevant, and you pretty much wont even see it, let alone care about it.

Think about the ‘irrelevant’ category like cars on the road.

Consider this scenario, which you’ve likely experienced: you’re in the market for a new car and, as soon as you know the one you want, you start seeing them everywhere.

Or maybe you’ve gone for a walk and passed a hundred trees without noticing them, but suddenly see the one that’s leaning and then realise you’re surrounded by trees.

In the first scenario, it’s not that those cars suddenly appeared, it’s that they were always there and you didn’t see them, because they had no relevance to you – until they did.

With the second, the trees had no immediate impact on your wellbeing and were irrelevant, so you didn’t see them, until you noticed the one that was leaning and might potentially fall on you, prompting you to see all the trees.

This is how we see the world. And this is how your stories create the world you see.

These two scenarios were quite trivial, but consider something like this: maybe you can still recall, without hesitation, the full team roster of the 1992 Chicago Bulls, or maybe you can quote the original Star Wars opening crawl in its entirety.

For a long time, you probably thought it was ironic how you could easily remember that, but couldn’t grasp maths, or remember some fact you needed to remember for school.

Now, having understood the process of stories, values, lenses, goals, and behaviours, maybe you can ask yourself why: why do you remember that fact? Why was it important for you to remember? What story was driving the need to do so?

If you dig deep enough, you might uncover a story of deep need for social acceptance, or human connection, that you sought through projecting a knowledge of a pop-culture reference to peers.

“I know the Bulls, therefore, I’m cool, I like what you like, I’m one of you – accept me.”

Yet, for someone whose priorities lie elsewhere, the 1992 Chicago Bulls team might as well not exist, because they’re completely oblivious to them.

You see, your stories literally create your world.

They do so by triaging information through the lens of the values they’ve spawned, which actually dictates what you see, what you care about, and what you’re totally apathetic towards.

We can change the stories that we create

But you don’t just create these stories – you live them.

You respond to stories with your thoughts, feelings, and the actions.

When you encounter a piece of information that’s useful – a tool – you use it to progress towards your goal, which generates positive emotion, which acts as the feedback mechanism that reinforces your view of the world.

That is: you feel good about it, because your stories told you to, so it must be positive, right?

Conversely, something that you classify as a challenge stops you from progressing towards the goal your values, driven by your stories, have defined, meaning your feedback mechanism – your emotions – will register that encounter as negative emotion, encouraging you to avoid that situation in future.

But here’s the thing.

This system just works. You don’t really think about it when it happens; you never stop to check if your internal classification system is working the way that it should.

Yet, it literally dictates your entire life.

What if you’re experiencing negative emotions in your life, because you’re being driven by a story that was established when you were a child?

Wouldn’t it be useful to know, so that you could consciously realise that there could be another way?

What if getting along with that person you have clashed with for as long as you know – maybe it’s even someone as important as a family member, or your boss – is as simple as changing the classification and story that’s categorising them as an obstacle?

Yes, that’s how this works.

And that, right there, is how you can start to change your own stories.

By taking a moment to actively engage with why you’re experiencing the world in the way you’re experiencing it, you’re able to understand the drivers behind your behaviours, then your goals, then your values – then your stories.

And, through that, you can change your life.

Want to learn more about how your Story of My Life Journal supports you in changing your stories? Head to our How it Works page. Otherwise, if you’re ready to take the next step in owning your narrative, head to our Shop.